My home(s)

It's difficult being in a place that's supposed to be "home," but seems anything but that.  My parents moved only once while I was living at home. I didn't have to switch schools, so it wasn't a huge adjustment. It got really weird when my parents moved while I was in college- meaning that if I were to spend any time in their home, it would be in a house that I felt no connection to, since I never actually lived there.

Growing up in a tight-knit synagogue like the Reform Temple of Suffern, I became aware of the importance of giving back to my community, wherever I may find myself. The summer my synagogue closed its doors was during my time as an RA at Kutz. I knew the date of my synagogue's last service, and asked for special permission to leave camp to attend the service. I dreaded that day. How could I say goodbye to the place where I spent more time during my high school years than any other place? Countless shul-ins, youth group board meetings, services, hebrew school classes, auctions, purim schpiels, etc. Before I left for camp that summer I went around and took pictures. I wanted to capture the memories I have every time I walked into that sanctuary.

 I tried to capture the feeling I got when I was standing next to my Rabbi, filling in for our student cantors when they were not with us for Shabbat. I loved that feeling. It's something I haven't been able to feel since. I've led services in many different locations, and nothing has felt quite as intimate and spiritual as leading my own congregational family in prayer. As I sat during that last service and held back tears (and later broke down on the way home...) I wondered what it would be like to come home from college and not have a congregation to call home.

What do you do when your spiritual home physically no longer exists? Maybe that's why I feel like I'm constantly searching. I can't quite fit in anywhere. I've gone to numerous services at the synagogue my congregation merged with, but it's just not the same. The building isn't all that unfamiliar, either. Between the many hours I spent during Kadimah in the new synagogue, and the summer I spent a few weeks interning for the Rabbi, it's the closest thing I have to a congregation. A part of it has to do with my issues with Reform and denominational Judaism, but maybe there's more to it than just my own struggles with Judaism.
I found a new home when I went to Binghamton.

I found mentors in my Hillel staff, and best friends in my Hillel leadership team members. I felt supported, encouraged, loved, challenged, and most of all...connected. The relationships I valued so much from college still continue today. Outside of the Hillel bubble it has been interesting to watch each other figure out how Judaism works (or doesn't)  in the real world.
One constant (but temporary) Jewish community I've had is NFTY/Kutz.

Despite all of the change I've experienced in the past several years, I am still willing to call that community magical. It's one of those communities that are indescribable to those who haven't experienced its power.
Now I find myself at AHA, and while I call it home for now, I know that it is most likely not permanent...

And still, after all of my searching, I still find that I love building Jewish community wherever I am.