Finding God on the basketball court...

During my last semester of college, I found myself being asked a lot of tough questions (coming from both myself, and other people.) My Hillel Rabbi always managed to ask me the type of questions that kept me up at night. One day towards the end of my last semester he had to ask the tough one. God. "What are going to say to the kids who have the God questions?" In my head I panicked, having no idea how to respond to a question like that. For a while, I also panicked that I had chosen the wrong job and wrong career path. After my anxiety subsided, my Rabbi reminded me that most God questions aren't necessarily about God, and more have to do with why things happen the way they do. Or at least that's what I understood.

As a Jewish Life fellow here I get to help create a lot of interesting Jewish programs. At our last meeting we were introduced to a program that didn't necessarily need our help, it was just something that was happening, so we should know about it. We offered a Shabbat minyan alternative- a panel discussion called "Are you there God, it's me, AHA." Cute name. I was intrigued by the program and was looking forward to observing it this Shabbat. Then I got an e-mail asking me to be a part of the panel. 

What? I thought I wasn't going to really need to talk about God? As soon as I found out who the other people on the panel were, I tried to figure out what perspective I was supposed to bring to the table. You had the Orthodox Jew, the academic, the therapist...and me. I tried to figure out what God answer I was expected to give based on the others around me...and then I realized that that wasn't the point.

I've never been asked to speak about God in a public way, and I was really nervous. I said things that surprised me, if that makes any sense.

I spoke about the few times I feel as thought I have felt God in my life, using examples from the 10th grade confirmation essay I had to write several years ago. I felt God when I made a 3 point shot during a basketball game. I felt God when I was in the middle of a mosh pit of teenagers during a NFTY song session. I also felt God during my summers working at Kutz when I was able to communicate with one of my non-verbal teens on the autistic spectrum. I realized all of these experiences have a common thread- my interactions with other people. I cannot recall a time where I have felt God's strong presence without being a part of a community.

I wonder how I get to that point? How does one encounter God on an individual basis? Is it bad that I haven't been able to feel God without being present with others? 

I don't know. I think that I have to get used to that. Thank you Deans of Jewish life for asking me to be involved with things that keep me up at night just thinking...