I might have some direction in my life?

I overcame I big fear of mine this past weekend. It may seem silly to many, but I've never taken the train into the city by myself. I met up with my three apartmentmates (and one of their boyfriends) at Penn Station and then headed to Jerusalem Pizza where we met up with Hanan. Honestly, that may have been a highlight of the trip. It's too bad that Binghamton is so far from the city. He's a lot of fun to hang out with.
After pizza we got back on a train to head to Lauren's Dad's office where he picked us up to drive to their house. Arriving just before Shabbat, we ate some of Allison's delicious Israeli chocolate, put on pajamas (now that's a Shabbat tradition I could get used to), and had a delicious Shabbat dinner.
The next day was filled with shul, food, and games. It was so much fun just to sit and catch up with everyone. That night we went to go see Bride Wars, which may be the stupidest movie I've ever seen. I slept through Sunday morning and spent the whole afternoon watching tv, one of m favorite past times. Hannah and caught a train back home (she went into the city, but I just went straight home) that afternoon, and then I came back to Suffern.
Oh Suffern. Being away made me realize how hard it is to be in a place that is not my own. Being at Lauren's wasn't difficult at all ( I loved it.) What was hard was coming home to a place that isn't really mine. People are so nice to me, and I am so lucky that I always have a place to go. But really, it's not my home. When I am in Suffern ( or wherever I am) I suddenly lose the independence that I have when I am at school in my own apartment. Suddenly, I feel like I'm trapped. I can't just roll out of bed, put on clean pajamas, and go hang out with friends on campus, or go hang out in the Hillel office (yes, I'm lame.) If I want to go somewhere in Suffern I need to find someone to drive me to that destination and back. I don't really even have many friends in Suffern. I made the choice to spend my winter break in Suffern. I actually could have stayed in my apartment at school by myself. I decided that I didn't want to be alone at school, but I'm thinking that it might have been okay.
I am constantly thinking about this, and how, come May after graduation, I need to have my own place. A few years back, a recruiter at the URJ Biennial encouraged me to apply for the American Hebrew Academy Fellowship. The American Hebrew Academy is a pluralistic Jewish boarding school in Greensboro, North Carolina. It is a 1 year fellowship (with the potential to extend to two years) where you are basically an RA living with kids in a house, and then you are also placed in an internship on campus doing whatever interests you. They give you housing, food, health insurance, and $1000 stipend per month. If I were to be asked back for a second year, the stipend increases to $1500. I just sent them my resume and references. If they like that, the next step would be a phone interview, and then I would fly out and spend twenty four hours on a campus visit. They select their fellows basically on rolling admissions, and are already speaking with several other candidates (they choose 10.)
It sounds like a really good starting point for me. After one or two years there, I think I might be ready to start thinking about Rabbinical school. Also, I love the idea of spending time in a pluralistic environment. Hopefully I'd be able to come to some vague conclusions as to what type of Rabbi I want to be.
After the weekends excitement I'm so behind in reading. I'm sorry this post isn't as exciting as the last one. Maybe I'll have something more profound to say later.
Limmud in 4 days!

Instead of being a responsible senior in college, I've started a blog...

So, I used to have a Xanga, and then a livejournal, and now I'm here. I've created this blog using my new gmail account, mainly to lie to myself and pretend that I'm an adult. In the past, I've used these online journals to mainly complain about my life. While I can't promise that I won't complain, I'm going to try and gear what I write here towards what I like to call " constructive complaining."
It's winter break. Most likely my last winter break for a while. It terrifies me that the next time I'm in Suffern I will be a college graduate. Where will I be living? Israel? D.C.? Boston? NYC? California? Some third world country? Who knows. Will I find a job? Will I be able to pay for housing? I want to travel the world, go on crazy adventures figuring out my Jewish identity. College has taught me that labels don't really work. Can a Reform Jew be shomer shabbat and keep kosher? I want to be able to say "yes." I guess my real question is, if I choose that lifestyle, am I going to be able to find a reform community that shares those values? Can I be Reform Rabbi and serve a congregation that has totally different ideas on what it means to be observant?
It was probably a bad idea to start this blog after midnight. Now the wheels are turning...