I might have some direction in my life?

I overcame I big fear of mine this past weekend. It may seem silly to many, but I've never taken the train into the city by myself. I met up with my three apartmentmates (and one of their boyfriends) at Penn Station and then headed to Jerusalem Pizza where we met up with Hanan. Honestly, that may have been a highlight of the trip. It's too bad that Binghamton is so far from the city. He's a lot of fun to hang out with.
After pizza we got back on a train to head to Lauren's Dad's office where he picked us up to drive to their house. Arriving just before Shabbat, we ate some of Allison's delicious Israeli chocolate, put on pajamas (now that's a Shabbat tradition I could get used to), and had a delicious Shabbat dinner.
The next day was filled with shul, food, and games. It was so much fun just to sit and catch up with everyone. That night we went to go see Bride Wars, which may be the stupidest movie I've ever seen. I slept through Sunday morning and spent the whole afternoon watching tv, one of m favorite past times. Hannah and caught a train back home (she went into the city, but I just went straight home) that afternoon, and then I came back to Suffern.
Oh Suffern. Being away made me realize how hard it is to be in a place that is not my own. Being at Lauren's wasn't difficult at all ( I loved it.) What was hard was coming home to a place that isn't really mine. People are so nice to me, and I am so lucky that I always have a place to go. But really, it's not my home. When I am in Suffern ( or wherever I am) I suddenly lose the independence that I have when I am at school in my own apartment. Suddenly, I feel like I'm trapped. I can't just roll out of bed, put on clean pajamas, and go hang out with friends on campus, or go hang out in the Hillel office (yes, I'm lame.) If I want to go somewhere in Suffern I need to find someone to drive me to that destination and back. I don't really even have many friends in Suffern. I made the choice to spend my winter break in Suffern. I actually could have stayed in my apartment at school by myself. I decided that I didn't want to be alone at school, but I'm thinking that it might have been okay.
I am constantly thinking about this, and how, come May after graduation, I need to have my own place. A few years back, a recruiter at the URJ Biennial encouraged me to apply for the American Hebrew Academy Fellowship. The American Hebrew Academy is a pluralistic Jewish boarding school in Greensboro, North Carolina. It is a 1 year fellowship (with the potential to extend to two years) where you are basically an RA living with kids in a house, and then you are also placed in an internship on campus doing whatever interests you. They give you housing, food, health insurance, and $1000 stipend per month. If I were to be asked back for a second year, the stipend increases to $1500. I just sent them my resume and references. If they like that, the next step would be a phone interview, and then I would fly out and spend twenty four hours on a campus visit. They select their fellows basically on rolling admissions, and are already speaking with several other candidates (they choose 10.)
It sounds like a really good starting point for me. After one or two years there, I think I might be ready to start thinking about Rabbinical school. Also, I love the idea of spending time in a pluralistic environment. Hopefully I'd be able to come to some vague conclusions as to what type of Rabbi I want to be.
After the weekends excitement I'm so behind in reading. I'm sorry this post isn't as exciting as the last one. Maybe I'll have something more profound to say later.
Limmud in 4 days!

I still think that I'm a Reform Jew...

I’ve recently learned that HUC-JIR partners with NATE to provide a select few college juniors and seniors the opportunity to attend the annual NATE conference to explore a career in Jewish Education. My friend, a Jewish educator who I admire very much, (who happened to be the Jewish educator in my synagogue growing up and is definitely one of the reasons why I am so passionate about Judaism today) e-mailed me recently, asking me if I’d be interested in having her nominate me as an HUC-JIR/NATE intern. Being a lover of all Jewish conferences, I jumped at the opportunity. I filled out an application, wrote a few essays, and received an e-mail after this past Shabbat letting me know that I had been selected to be an intern. When I applied for this internship, I chose to ignore the fact that the conference coincides with my first week of classes. As a senior, my senioritis kicked in, and I registered for the conference today. I rationalized my decision by telling myself that maybe I’ll find a job there, or maybe I’ll realize I do actually want to be a Jewish Educator (as of now, I want to be a Rabbi.)
Anyway, this all sounds nice, right? It is. As a just mentioned, I registered for the conference today. When I got to that little box asking me about my dietary needs, there was a disclaimer saying that all food would be kosher style. If I really wanted kosher food, there was the option of choosing “airplane kosher food” (yes, it actually said that!)
Let me backtrack a bit. I consider myself to be a product of the Reform Movement. I tried to do as many URJ programs as possible in high school, giving me a strong foundation for my Jewish identity. I was president of my TYG (SuFTY), involved with NFTY-GER, Hebrew school madricha, participant in HUC’s Miller High School Honors program, Kadimah participant (Hebrew High School.) I had life-changing summer at the URJ Kutz Camp, and have been a staff member for the past five summers. This list could go on and on…What’s my point? My experiences growing up as a Reform Jew have taught me all about Reform Judaism’s mantra “choice through knowledge.” I believe that until the way I practice Judaism changes from “choice” to “obligation,” I can consider myself a Reform Jew. I think enough has been said on that topic. Now a senior at Binghamton University, I find myself with a Jewish community that is so different from the one I grew up in. I live in an extremely pluralistic apartment. Two girls are Orthodox, one girl is Conservative, and then there is me, the Reform Jew. We keep a strict kosher kitchen and are shomer Shabbat. While I’m at school, the way I practice Judaism makes sense. I attend Reform Friday night services, Conservative Saturday morning services, and Seudat Shlishit and Havdalah at Chabad. I love all of the different types of Judaism I am exposed to at school, but when I am in a Reform community not at school, I feel left out of the community.
I recently found myself staffing a NFTY event, where I suddenly couldn’t observe Shabbat the way I wanted to. As a staff member, I needed to have my phone on in case someone needed to get in touch with me. Lights in bathrooms needed to be turned on. While I could choose as an individual what I could do, the community did not. All meals at camp were kosher-style. When I am home I live near Monsey, NY, home to one of the best places for kosher food. When I am at school, I can eat in the Kosher Kitchen, or cook in my own apartment. Why is it that Reform Movement sponsored programs are they only places where my practices don’t fit in with the community? The URJ boasts being a pluralistic umbrella organization. My Reform experiences growing up have taught me go ask questions, gain knowledge, and make educated decisions. Is there a line to be drawn? Can a Reform Jew keep kosher, be shomer shabbat, and be able to find a Reform Community that values those same things?

Instead of being a responsible senior in college, I've started a blog...

So, I used to have a Xanga, and then a livejournal, and now I'm here. I've created this blog using my new gmail account, mainly to lie to myself and pretend that I'm an adult. In the past, I've used these online journals to mainly complain about my life. While I can't promise that I won't complain, I'm going to try and gear what I write here towards what I like to call " constructive complaining."
It's winter break. Most likely my last winter break for a while. It terrifies me that the next time I'm in Suffern I will be a college graduate. Where will I be living? Israel? D.C.? Boston? NYC? California? Some third world country? Who knows. Will I find a job? Will I be able to pay for housing? I want to travel the world, go on crazy adventures figuring out my Jewish identity. College has taught me that labels don't really work. Can a Reform Jew be shomer shabbat and keep kosher? I want to be able to say "yes." I guess my real question is, if I choose that lifestyle, am I going to be able to find a reform community that shares those values? Can I be Reform Rabbi and serve a congregation that has totally different ideas on what it means to be observant?
It was probably a bad idea to start this blog after midnight. Now the wheels are turning...